sex-spirit February 15, 2004

Osho speaks well of how I view sex.

And some short descriptions of different types of sacred sex

Answer to email: Where does your view on sexuality and spirituality come from?
(more…)

“Why I like handjobs in porn.” February 14, 2004

In the complex landscape of modern sexuality, a handjob is simple.

A handjob is so innocent. At least it can be.
A person can give a handjob without giving up any vulnerability of themselves.

On the contrary, having another person’s body part inside your body can’t be anything less than intimate and vulnerable.

Less intimacy may seem like a negative when it comes to porn, but I’m not so sure.

For me, it is really hard to enjoy porn if I think the actress might wake up the next day and regret what she did on camera.

So when I see guys being rough, or calling her names, or degrading some 18 year old girl, it sometimes bothers me. Of course it also triggers some very primal desires in me, too.

And I remind myself that rough sex is often enjoyed by both men and women.

But that usually happens in the confines of a trusting relationship.

See, this was the complexity I was talking about above.

The handjob cuts through all that.

A handjob could almost be done as a nonchalant favor. You could even enjoy giving a handjob without being overly attracted to your partner.
I mean, how is it any different than focused deep tissue massage?
(Obviously, the presence of an erect cock and the eventual ejaculation are different. But in terms of the ’sacrifice’ of your partner.)

And there lies the crux of it.
In a normal sexual experience, I wouldn’t refer to my partner’s participation as ’sacrifice.’

But in a porn, the woman is at work. She may enjoy her job, but it is still work. And work that often involves sharing body fluids with strangers. And spreading yourself open to be prodded and…
You see where my head goes?

So the lack of sacrifice required for a handjob helps dissolve any guilt about poor degraded porn starlets.
For a handjob scene, the actress is appreciated for her appearance, her enthusiasm, her movements. But by the very nature of the act, she retains an element of control.

A handjob has the least possibilities for degradation.

Its impossible to say, ‘Take this, bitch!’ while getting a handjob.

I guess you could say it and try to shoot in her eye, But since she is in control of where the barrel is aimed, its really her show. And you would look pretty stupid saying ‘Take this bitch’ before cuming in your own face.

I’ve spent many years working through issues about respecting women. And I am now at a point where I can get freak nasty in the bedroom. And I can appreciate it in porn, too.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with indulging in degradation fantasies.

But when I want to enjoy a little smut without any psychological complexity, I dig them handjobs.

Taxi Girls Video Review

Considering how often I mimic the sound of those 70’s porno music soundtracks
(“bow-chikka-waa-waa…”) it’s a little surprising
that I’ve never actually watched a porn from the 70’s.

Well, unless you count seeing a few minutes of “Deep Throat” when
Jason Brady showed us his Dad’s secret video stash while we gathered on his
moss green shag carpet.

I really don’t remember anything about the film, itself. I was shocked, quite frankly.
I had seen a Playboy, but this was much different. Playboy is all peach hues
and soft pinks. This was red, raw and hairy. Like something splayed open and
turned inside out.
I just remember thinking, “This is what ‘taboo’ looks like.”
I was very confused…but also understood that this was something significant.
It was like seeing a new color for the first time or learning that there are
6 extra hours in the day that only grown ups know about.

Of course, I wasn’t exactly at a point in my sexuality that I would feel
comfortable discussing the experience with my peers. Hell, I didn’t even
know if “Gross!” or “Rad!” was the appropriate response
at the time.
(Now I know that “Rad” or “Boss!” would have been
best)

So I was excited and a little scared when a friend recently gave me a DVD copy
of the 70’s “classic” Taxi
Girls. I’m a grown up now, with hair on my own nuts, and am in a much
better position to appreciate the genre.

***

I watched it leisurely and straight through. I rarely do that. I’m a
“cue-to-the-sex-scene” kinda guy. Then cue some more. The remote
is critical. I like plots, but I really only need a rough setup of the scenario.

Hell, I could do with a brief voiceover or a Star-Wars style scrolling text:

“Not too long ago,
in a bedroom not far away,
Jessica woke up from a dream.
She now suffers from amnesia
and is overwhelmed with a lust
like she’s never known…”

Fine by me. She’s gonna have sex now? Then that’s all I need to
know.

I don’t need the storyline told in excruciating long dialogue. I don’t
need to see her explain her problem to her shrink. Or sit in bed acting out
how distraught she is.

When the piss-poor dialogue starts to jar me out of the mood, the only way
I can enjoy it is if I pretend that I’m watching a school play — A magical
school play where the hot cheerleaders have sex with the fag-y drama dudes at
the end of each act.

The problem is that the porn acting and storyline never succeeds in casting
its cinematic spell over me –I never reach that suspension of disbelief.

Sure, I believe there are having sex.
I can believe that she is honestly trying to “get into the role”
of a Princess, or a Superhero, or a Pizza Girl.
But I never *feel* for her plight as an amnesia sufferer.
I never lose the awareness that she is being filmed having sex for money.

Don’t get me wrong, that “being paid to have sex” scenario
can be very hot.
In fact, the “loose morality” or “comfort with open sexuality”
is one of the hottest things about porn to me.

She can suck that stranger’s cock without tons of mental anguish and
guilt!?
Screw the pizza delivery scene, *that* is hot.

And that’s one reason why, even though I never really believed that the
women were cab driving prostitutes, I did enjoy the quaint 70’s production
of “Taxi Girls.”

So, now that my blood has redistributed through my body, here are a few reactions
to my virgin experience with 70’s porn:
***

1) This film reminded me to count my blessings…and never to take genital
grooming for granted. I forgot what pubic hair looks like when totally ungroomed.
We aren’t nearly as far from the apes (or Ron Jeremy) as I remembered.

2) The plot and sets were pretty impressive. It wasn’t too much worse
than an episode of Starsky and Hutch. (I wonder why they didn’t
use that on the box cover? “NOT TOO MUCH WORSE THAN STARSKY AND HUTCH!!”)
They put a lot of effort into telling the story with scenes in a car lot,
street corners, a bank, multiple houses, a warehouse, and in cabs. In its
day it could have been screened at Sundance.

3) The main actress, playing an aspiring comedian /prostitute cab driver
(perhaps based on the life Rosanne? Hmm?) was a pretty good actress.
I could easily have seen her making an appearance on an episode of Quincy.
I wonder if Nancy Suiter ever crossed over into mainstream?

4) John Holmes wasn’t a bad actor, either. Yup, The original porn legend
was in this film. Unlike Ron Jeremy, Holmes was actually pretty damn cool
in his prime. In this movie he looked damn fly with a goatee and his lanky
70’s stylin.’

5) It has a pretty gnarly gangbang rape scene. Very forceful and angry. Luckily,
the anger is clearly being acted, so the scene is more palpable. In the same
way I am not convinced that it’s a real Pizza delivery guy, I wasn’t
convinced there was real anger being expressed. I mean, the actors were summoning
some misogyny in the scene, for sure. But it felt like they were roll playing
and not really filled with aggression. That being said, one actress is crying
throughout. It’s pretty intense.

Violent fantasy in porn is a tough topic. Clearly, many people have fantasies
involving power and sex. Being forced to have sex and forcing others to have
sex are some of the most common sexual fantasies. But seeing them acted can
be hard to stomach (or justify).

But what if the scene is simply capturing the elaborate role play of a taboo
fantasy? Assuming the women were definitely acting (and are not actually doing
anything non-consensual) then the scene the scene is pretty erotic and feeds
a very dark impulse.

Porn didn’t create the connection between violence and sexuality. But
acknowledging that connection is pretty dangerous territory.

Luckily the rape scene ends with a little justice. Five seconds after the
last cumshot, the Taxi Girls bust in to rescue the victims and beat the crap
out of the scumbags with baseball bats.

6) The final act of the film has the Taxi Girls on trial for their wrongdoings
(I believe the prostitution, not the assault). But they convince the Judge
to let them off in exchange for sex.
So rather than end with a wild sex scene in the judges chambers, it ends with
the “beginning” of a sex scene!
She pulls out his dick…puts it in her mouth, then winks to the camera
as the frame freezes and the credits roll. I was shocked and impressed. It’s
rare to see a sex scene that doesn’t end in a money shot, let alone
stop just as the action is getting going.

Maybe they were leaving it open for a sequel.

“The end….or IS it!?”

TAXI GIRLS is available from Arrow and features John Holmes in his Prime, Candida
Royalle in her actress years, and a barrel full of body hair. (check out some clips)

sex=communication February 2, 2004

An essay.

A friend suggested that sex should be viewed as communication. I think that’s a beautiful idea.

She said, “Next time you are intimate with someone, pay attention to the ‘conversation.’ Are you listening to your partner?”

Viewing sex like that helps explain many of my attitudes towards intimacy.

A verbal conversation with a trusted friend or lover is almost always more enjoyable than one with a stranger. With a loved one, you finish each other’s sentences. You laugh at the same inside jokes. You go to mental places you never get to with idle chit chat.

But that doesn’t mean you can’t have an amazing all-night conversation with someone you just met in a coffee shop. Even if you never see that person again, your life is richer because of the dialogue you shared.

If a conversation is there, a one night stand can be a beautiful thing.

And the “conversation” idea explains how sex can be lousy even with someone you love. If you stop listening, it ceases to be 2 way communication. It becomes little more than mutual masturbation. That’s why couples need to have fun in the bedroom once and a while: introduce toys or role play or whatever. It’s infusing a tired conversation with some new topics to discuss.

Thinking about sex as communication explains why I rarely find young women sexy. Attractive-yes. But not always sexy. Most 18 year olds are just beginning to understand the basic mechanics of their bodies. Until a person is in tune with their sexuality, they are without a sexual “Voice.” I know it has taken me years to find my sexual voice, and to realize what I am listening for.

It’s also why I am such a huge fan of masturbation. Knowing your own body is critical. How can you communicate with a tool you barely understand?

Sex as communication explains why you can tire quickly of a beautiful, but empty, partner. Their body may be well-suited for the physical act, but so is a Doc Johnson Vacu-Jac. Without conversation, a lover is just 3-D Pornography with lots of baggage.